Friday, May 13, 2011

My Faith Journey...

So far I have to say I'm surprised at how often I need to remind myself to be faithful. I guess it's good- because I've become more aware of the lack of faith I have in many areas of my life.

God is reminding me that through the circumstances and trials in life that He is molding our family into something I cannot yet see. I have to be raw for a moment here, I'm gonna do it- I'm gonna expose a major flaw; only because I know I can't be the only one who has felt this. Why is it, that when our sin and anger gets the best of my family I feel as though I am completely losing control over my household and the people that dwell in it? I will admit I have a major fear; that if I don't do everything "just right"- that my entire family will fall apart. Okay I said it. I sometimes live in guilt thinking I should be wanting to be more active in the keeping the family together role- but find myself just flat out exhausted!
I'm realizing through this journey everyday just how much I hurt emotionally in this area- and just how much more I need to STAND FAITHFUL! But just what does standing faithful mean exactly?

We hear it everywhere, see it everywhere, it's become just a simple word that makes people feel better. If that's the case it's only temporary-and just a word with no life changing meaning.

I prayed and wrote in my journal about this...and this is what God has brought me to so far...

I've learned it is very hard to stand Faithful when I don't include God in my trials- ALL OF THEM! I cannot be faithful in my own power, I can only be faithful with Him as my "constant" guide.
It's crazy to me how easy it is when trying to stand faithful to find myself attempting to stand faithful in my own power- that kind of faith fails me everytime; and that is where all the fear, guilt,exhaustion & frustration comes in. Catching myself being faithful in my own power makes it extremely difficult to live out what standing on faith really means.

Faith ultimately is in the ONE who carries ALL the answers- and because we learn to believe and be faithful in this alone we can begin to learn how to truly be faithful in Jesus Christ our Lord.

"Lord you have a plan and I know I need to trust you in this area. Lord I pray that you will build my Faith in your plan, knowing your ways are perfect. Show me and walk with me on this journey in which you have called me. - Amen"