In my quest of trying to understand how before I was saved I could so much better hold a conversation without over thinking, or feeling held back; I realize more each day why this is.
Since being saved I know I was set free- but didn't feel that freedom with people or relationships. It is because God has been transforming me into this new life for years (and He's not finished yet), so I could truly understand from the most inner part of my being how He wants me to relate to others, and why.
My relationships with others have not been as easy- in fact I stated in 2 Friday posts' ago that I have been called "Socially Awkward" -
I see clearly (barely now) I shouldn't be afraid of this term, and worry so much about what others think; because if I look at what is "Socially ACCEPTABLE" in majority I see I am being transformed and not fitting into the world so well anymore.
I realize I don't want to be "Socially Acceptable" to man- I want to stand out for Christ instead! After all He created this world, and me for that very reason!
As weird as it may seem "Socially Awkward" I will take as a compliment; because I am stepping away from being a people pleaser- and THAT'S the difference between my then and my now.
Does this mean I should stay quiet in my faith? Not at all; but I needed to see what all this meant so I wouldn't see "that" being said about me as a negative to hold me back from speaking out His truth into the peoples lives that I love- and He loves. THIS REALIZATION was HUGE for me. That type of comment just pushed me further into a corner; because I didn't understand it- it made me very insecure; and seeing this shows me how to make it a positive- it was so I could see where and why I was losing connection; NOT intended to lose connection completely- but to connect in a whole new way, because He has made me a whole new person. Not to hide away, but to share what He has taught me in a whole new light without fear of a comment like socially awkward.
This label has been a burden in the past, I even wrote in a blog post, a year ago about how crippling this social awkwardness was-little did I know then, that this label would reveal to me a whole journey that He's been leading me on all along! Something I had to feel as a burden, and even emotionally crippling for me to seek, and for Him to show me why. This way I can move forward and no longer be afraid to have relationships with people.