I don't know where to start. Mixtures of emotions... knots, ache, sadness,selfishness and peace all at the same time I just can't go here yet so for now I pray and trust in Gods healing power over our hearts. I thank Him reluctantly because of my selfishness for taking my Papaw home sooner than any of us ever expected. It's hitting me like a brick! What is life like without my Papaw? I want to hear Him call and say "Heyyyy Baby" the way he does. I want to know he's going to stop by unexpectedly like he always did. I want to see that note in the mailbox with his sweet writing sending us treats for the kids. I want to make that call where I put him on speaker and the kids and I tell him how much we love our Papaw, and thank him while we all go out for ice cream- his special treat! I want to watch him carry my son on his shoulders again, play with my daughter on the floor, and talk to me about the end times. My handsome Papaw who I adored all while growing up will no longer be here on this earth. The staple of our family, the head honcho- How in the world do we do holidays without him? Gods whispering in my ear to release him because my Papaw is joyfully in his care, I just wasn't ready for life without Papaw yet; and it is here I rest in Gods loving arms to hold me right here- speechless.
I have 3 children, all very different, requiring different ways to connect with each one. How does a mom go about this? She rotates, and she shares, she makes every effort to spend equal time- this is my journey to carry beyond these upcoming 31 days.
How do we find that place again where your heart feels still as you hold your newborn, that peace you feel when you climb in bed at night after telling them their bedtime story and they go to bed so peacefully.
Elaborate on that feeling
It's like hearing the ocean waves, it's that calm place, that peace of a days love joyfully given.
As days turn into months, and months turn into years people change. I've seen it between just my husband and I within the last 11 years of our marriage. We are all such unique individuals, and sometimes our own uniqueness doesn't want to agree with the others.
If I'm honest, that is precisely because I am so comfortable in my own uniqueness, that it is really hard to step outside of that and see someone elses point of view. This is going to be a hard one for me, I'll tell you why- I have this type of phobia that I am right "most" of the time--- definitely more than less, this is my control issue. Funny though- it is the exact kind of issue that in reality stirs me up inside and spins me completely out of control- because I obviously cannot put my family in my own little world.
Oh but when my babies were little, I showed them how to do everything- and they were so teachable- until about thesweet ages of 2 and up- this is when that special part of their brain kicked into full gear called the "opinion".
I have three children, with completely different opinions, how do I connect without feeling sooooo torn in soooo many directions and end up in a place where I'm too stressed to connect at all?
These next 31 days, I'm going to focus on how to do just that.
To find that place where once agian I listen for that calm place, and receive the peace of a days Love joyfully given.