One thing I must constantly remind myself is that It's not personal.
I can't count the times I've taken dirty looks, back-talk, and rudeness from my children as a personal attack against me.
In the heat of the moment it's so easy to see my childrens behavior as a result of my lack of parenting skills.
Many times I've felt this way- to the point where I just lash out- yell and with regret hurt my kids feelings, all because I feel like a failure- because I am afraid I'm not doing it right and I lose complete control over the situation.
Guilt...
Oh it is the worst emotion a Mother can feel; but I've come to find out that living in it will never fix it.
Thank God for God!
There was a time last year when I just felt as a parent as if I'd lost all control over parenting; no matter how calm I stayed, or how consistent I was with discipline - I just felt like I was being punished. I was trying so hard to not take anything personal; but it got to the point where it was almost impossible.
I completely broke down,
I was the Mother who cried in the middle of all my children throwing tantrums all at once; for hours (no exaggeration) - because they simply did not like the fact they had lost privileges. I tried so hard to maintain my composure and not take it personal; but this night I could not do it- I was exhausted- my kids were way too old to be acting like this, my husband was out of town- the only thing left to do was cry; and cry hard!
I went upstairs to my bedroom knelt at my bedside and cried out loud to God:
"You know I want the best for my children- you know they are the desire of my heart; why is this happening in our home? Lord please help me; Lord please give them a desire to do whats right - open their eyes to see what they are doing, show me anything in them I may not see, give me understanding, provide us with your peace tonight."
The house was quiet...I turned around to see my 3 beautiful children standing in the doorway just watching me pray. It was an opportunity for them to see that we are not perfect- only God is; we got to sit down and calmly talk about what had happened. It was an opportunity to speak to them about what God wants for us as a family;
sometimes we are gonna feel like we've lost all self control- and those are the times we cry out to Him.
Just like Mommy had to do when she knew she could no longer hold back her tears; only He could calm me. Only He could teach me that It's not Personal- but instead
a moment of Growth for all of us.
31 Days of Fear Free Mothering:
Day 1 - When Fear Sets In
Day 2- It's Not Personal
Day 3- Day 4- Day 5- Day 6- Day 7- Day 8- Day 9- Day 10- Day 11- Day 12- Day 13- Day 14- Day 15- Day 16- Day 17- Day 18- Day 19- Day 20- Day 21- Day 22- Day 23- Day 24- Day 24- Day 25- Day 26- Day 27- Day 28- Day 29- Day 30- Day 31-
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