My middle school years were rough. They didn't end there though; they continued to be rough through high school and my early adult years. I felt every insecurity imaginable I was never much comfortable in my own skin.
I cared so much about other girls- their popularity- their good fashion sense- the fact they had no freckles; the list goes on and on.
Those were the years I lost my childhood best friend; painfully accepting the fact she found new ones;
had it all together-
and I never would.
No matter what I was told about not worrying about what others thought- for me it was impossible- I blocked all those positive voices out of my head. I really felt nobody understood, and that those positive voices in some way were lying to me- because they just didn't get it! They didn't get how I felt.
I tried everything to fit in- obnoxiously being the center of attention, experimenting with things I knew were wrong, walking around with the ugliest teenager looks; thinking that would make them think I was cool. I would sit in hallways crouched in a corner wearing a flannel shirt on a hot day; thinking depression looked appealing. I spent years chasing someone I didn't know; just trying to find my place in the midst of it all.
It was tough!
As a Mother of a 7th grade daughter I do almost anything imaginable to protect her from it all.
I've tried different schools- which I know isn't always the best for kids- but for her it was necessary.
As a Mother you sometimes have to do things that the "they" people don't recommend, because you know what she needs- better than they do.
Sometimes it's based on "your" past experience-
I painfully watched my daughter go through a state of depression her 6th grade year; she suffered anxiety about the fact she would have to return there for 7th grade.
As a Mother I never wanted to have her switch schools in her Middle School years-
I knew that middle school is rough no matter where you go; private or public school.
The last thing I ever wanted was for her to get the message that when things get rough you leave; but at the same time I remembered being her- and I saw the plea in her eyes; begging me to understand she would never thrive in this school; she felt so defeated to the point that at her age; she wouldn't be able to pull herself out of it- those positive voices would feel like lies to her; the same way they felt to me when I was her age.
This was a time for me to prayerfully help her- and God opened doors.
There were two openings at a Charter School in our city;where she would attend two and a half school days - and 2 home school days. Here is where fear sets in again- I've never home schooled my children before; could we do this?
We applied, despite my fears; and she got accepted!
It has been wonderful; those two days she's home I get to see her heart more, talk with her more about her trials; see where she's struggling and really earnestly seek coaching her through this thing called life.
We don't always have good days; sometimes we get a little grumpy with each other; but those end up our opportunities to work for our relationship- and it's been beautiful!
I'm seeing her at her school have an opportunity to be a part of ASB, and represent her 7th grade class, make announcements to students- and all in all come home everyday from her school site days smiling like she just got done with the best day of camp!!!
This was the right choice- and sometimes you just have to block out those outside voices
and zoom in to only Gods'.
It is okay to have fears -as long as we take them to God- He'll turn them into something beautiful-
We must not forget
He is the one thing that will always be bigger than them!
31 Days of Fear Free Mothering:
Day 1 - When Fear Sets In
Day 2- It's Not Personal
Day 3- The Fear of Your Past
Day 4- Planning Ahead
Day 5- Fear of them Growing up too Fast
Day 6- When God uses your Fears
Day 7- Day 8- Day 9- Day 10- Day 11- Day 12-
Day 13- Day 14- Day 15- Day 16- Day 17- Day 18- Day 19- Day 20- Day 21-
Day 22- Day 23- Day 24- Day 24- Day 25- Day 26- Day 27- Day 28- Day 29-
Day 30- Day 31-